As a resident of Asheville who recently evacuated due to Hurricane Helene, I want to offer support to families navigating the chaos caused by the floods. Like many of you, I’ve felt the deep uncertainty that comes with such disruption. For parents, navigating this crisis while also trying to maintain a sense of normalcy for your children can feel overwhelming. To support our community, I am offering free parent coaching to residents of Western North Carolina for the time being. I’d also like to offer some suggestions on how to maintain routines for your little ones, to help them feel grounded and secure.
The Importance of Routine for Children During Stressful Times
Children rely on routine to feel safe. During periods of stress, developing brains often need the help of external structures to regulate emotions. Routine provides predictability, which in turn reduces anxiety, particularly in unfamiliar situations. In the aftermath of a disaster, even small, consistent actions—like keeping mealtimes or bedtime rituals—can create a sense of stability when everything else feels chaotic.
Research shows that maintaining routines helps buffer against stress and promotes resilience in children facing adverse situations. While it can be difficult to establish predictable schedules during a crisis, doing your best to create some structure can significantly benefit your child’s emotional state.
Practical Tips for Maintaining Routine During a Disaster
Sleep Cues & Rituals
Maintaining a consistent nap and bedtime routine, even in unfamiliar surroundings, helps children regulate stress hormones like cortisol. Research shows that regular sleep schedules are associated with improved emotional regulation and reduced anxiety in children—both of which are critical during times of upheaval. You may notice more frequent night wakings as your child seeks reassurance of their safety. Try to respond with patience, and be kind to yourself if you need to rely on strategies you were previously trying to phase out, such as safe co-sleeping or extra nighttime feedings. It’s completely normal for children to experience sleep disruptions during stressful events, and your responsive care is the best support you can offer.
If your child is used to a bedtime routine—such as reading a book, singing a lullaby, or having a bath—try to recreate those elements as much as possible, even if the setting is different. Baths may not be possible if the water system is down in your area, but a warm wet wash cloth used for a gentle bird bath each evening can be soothing.
If you don’t already incorporate massage into routines with your baby or toddler, now might be a good time to start. You may find the act of preparing for and giving the massage to be relaxing for you too!
Meals and Snacks at Regular Times
Offering meals and snacks at the same time each day helps create some predictability for your child. Even if the food options differ from the usual, maintaining consistency in mealtimes can reduce stress and keep your child’s digestive system in sync with their routine. Let your local disaster relief groups know if your child has specific dietary or sensory-related food needs.
Create a Mini Routine Within Chaos
Establishing new micro-routines can help when many aspects of life are unpredictable. This could be something simple like a daily walk, story time, or regular video check-ins with loved ones. You may not have reliable Wi-Fi for video calls but can still make pictures or letters for loved ones too.
Consistent, predictable activities—no matter how small—help children feel more secure during stressful times.
Involve Kids in Decision-Making
Giving children small choices throughout the day likely fosters a sense of control. When children are given opportunities to make choices, their sense of autonomy and emotional well-being improves. Even letting them choose their clothes or what book to read can help. Keep it simple; usually, offering a choice between two things is enough for young children. Otherwise, you risk introducing more overwhelm.
Acknowledge the Emotions of the Moment
Normalize Feelings
Both you and your children may be experiencing a range of emotions right now—fear, frustration, sadness, and anxiety. It’s important to normalize these feelings—first for yourself, then for your child. Let children know that it’s okay to feel upset or scared. Dr. Stephen Porges’ polyvagal theory explains that when a caregiver is calm and attuned to their child, it helps the child’s nervous system shift from a state of stress to calm. This process of co-regulation is particularly important during times of crisis.
Encourage Open Conversations
Clear and honest conversations about what’s happening are crucial during times of uncertainty. While younger children may not fully understand the situation, they are highly attuned to emotional cues and can sense when something is wrong. Answering their questions in a way that is both simple and age-appropriate helps them feel safe. For instance, you might say, “Some people have lost their homes, and it’s okay to feel sad about that,” or, “Mama lost her job, and she’s feeling a little scared. It’s okay to be scared.” Reassuring them that you’re doing everything you can to keep them safe is key to helping them process their emotions.
Focus on Connection
Physical closeness, such as hugs or sitting together, can help children feel safe. The presence of a caregiver during stressful times provides emotional security and can significantly reduce a child’s distress.
Creative Play and Learning in Unfamiliar Spaces
Bring Familiar Items
If possible, bring a comfort item from home—a favorite stuffed animal, blanket, or toy. Comfort objects can help some children cope with stress and are especially effective in reducing anxiety during transitions. If an important object was lost in the floods, make space for your child’s grief around their loss. You can try drawing a picture or telling stories to honor the memory of it. If and when your child is ready for a replacement, see if you can involve them in picking one out to help restore some sense of control. If you don’t have options available for a replacement, remember that contact with YOU is your child’s most important source of comfort. You are enough.
Create Safe Play Spaces
Even in temporary housing, setting up a small area for imaginative play can help your child process their emotions. Play is one of the most effective ways for children to express and regulate their feelings. You can make use of limited supplies in order to set aside space dedicated for play. A rope on the ground, a circle drawn with chalk, or a curtain hung from the ceiling are simple ways to designate play space and let a child know their need to play matters.
Self-Care for Parents: You’re Doing Enough
Be Gentle with Yourself
As a parent, you may feel immense pressure to maintain control during this crisis, but the truth is, your presence is what matters most. A 2021 study from the Child Psychiatry and Human Development journal emphasizes that parents who managed their own stress during the COVID-19 pandemic were better able to support their children emotionally. Prioritize your mental health, and remember that you are doing enough just by being there for your child.
Reach Out for Support
Lean on community resources or fellow evacuees for support. Whether it’s sharing meals, exchanging childcare, or simply talking to someone, building a support network can help ease the pressure. Don’t hesitate to reach out for help during this time—you don’t have to do it all alone.
Conclusion
Hurricane Helene has brought unprecedented, heartbreaking challenges for families across Western North Carolina, and it’s incredibly difficult to navigate those challenges while trying to maintain some semblance of routine. But even in the midst of chaos, small routines and emotional connection can make a world of difference for your child’s well-being.
If you or your family are struggling, remember that you don’t have to go through this alone. If you need extra support talking through behaviors and routines for your child, I’m offering free parent coaching to residents of Western North Carolina affected by the disaster. Please reach out if you need support. You are not alone, and you are doing your best in an incredibly difficult situation.
Sources:
- Osofsky, J. D., & Reuther, E. T. (n.d.). Young Children and Disasters: Lessons Learned about Resilience and Recovery. https://eric.ed.gov/?id=EJ1125765
- Masten, A. S., & Motti-Stefanidi, F. (2020). Multisystem resilience for Children and Youth in Disaster: Reflections in the context of COVID-19. Adversity and Resilience Science, 1(2), 95–106. https://doi.org/10.1007/s42844-020-00010-w
- Williams, K. E., Berthelsen, D., Walker, S., & Nicholson, J. M. (2015). A developmental cascade model of behavioral sleep problems and Emotional and Attentional Self-Regulation across early childhood. Behavioral Sleep Medicine, 15(1), 1–21. https://doi.org/10.1080/15402002.2015.1065410
- Bates, C. R., Nicholson, L. M., Rea, E. M., Hagy, H. A., & Bohnert, A. M. (2021). Life Interrupted: Family Routines Buffer Stress during the COVID-19 Pandemic. Journal of Child and Family Studies, 30(11), 2641–2651. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-021-02063-6
- Inesi, M. E., Botti, S., Dubois, D., Rucker, D. D., & Galinsky, A. D. (2011). Power and choice. Psychological Science, 22(8), 1042–1048. https://doi.org/10.1177/0956797611413936
- Bornstein, M. H., & Esposito, G. (2023). Coregulation: a multilevel approach via biology and behavior. Children, 10(8), 1323. https://doi.org/10.3390/children10081323
- McDonald-Harker, C., Drolet, J. L., Sehgal, A., Brown, M. R. G., Silverstone, P. H., Brett-MacLean, P., & Agyapong, V. I. O. (2021). Social-Ecological factors associated with higher levels of resilience in children and youth after disaster: the importance of caregiver and peer support. Frontiers in Public Health, 9. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpubh.2021.682634
- Kinoshita, I., & Woolley, H. (2015). Children’s Play Environment after a Disaster: The Great East Japan Earthquake. Children, 2(1), 39–62. https://doi.org/10.3390/children2010039
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